Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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