You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
