My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
