i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
