how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
