She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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