roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't notice because vodka
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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