I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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