I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
