If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
