tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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