guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
