is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
