When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
