he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
