can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
