Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
