eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize