He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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