sorry about calling you the devil all night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
