you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
