nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
