You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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