And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
