What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
