I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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