youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
