I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
