I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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