Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
