i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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