Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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