I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
