i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize