omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
