he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Too much gin, very little bucket
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
