I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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