So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
