Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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