I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
