why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
