so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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