bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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