I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
