Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
