Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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