I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
