Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
