piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
