There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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