no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
