dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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