Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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