omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
