C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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