Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
