Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
