Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
