you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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