Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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