Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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