don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
