if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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