he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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