Someone shit on the floor
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize