Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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