ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
