____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
