i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
