Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
40s are totally the cure
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
