this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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